A Day in the Life of an Airplane Mechanic Student

(Names changed to protect the innocent and incompetent.)

6:55 – Shoulder backpack and point keyfob back over my shoulder to lock my car as I fast-walk to the entrance of the hangar where school is held.

7:00 (on a good day) – punch in and take my seat in class. Look around to see who else has made it in on time. The usual suspects, Possible Serial Killer, Guy Whose Name I Always Get Wrong and Now It’s a Joke, Issaquah Bike Commuter – all there. Most of the rest will be there in a few minutes, then the stragglers will filter in over the next hour.

7:10 – Note whether Lil’ Bastard has arrived. If he’s not there yet, get on the phone and tell him to get his ass to class or he’s going to time out (to be fair, he has been better about this lately).

7:15 – Class starts speculating about whether Man-Child will time out or not. Man-Child barely made it last quarter but has had better attendance this quarter. Sort of.

7:15 to 9:30 or so – Listen to the lecture and take notes. Interspersed with the instructor’s comments are various parries and retorts that fly back and forth among the students. A sampling:

Anxiety Sponge Guy: Can you go back a slide? I didn’t understand that last diagram.

Lil’ Bastard: I have a diagram for you.

Anxiety Sponge Guy: Any time you want, we go in the restroom and compare; I’m sure I’m bigger. (Alternate: you can take your diagram and shove it all the way up your …”)

Angry Republican: Get angry, Anxiety Sponge. Get angry!

Instructor: You all need to be quiet. I’m not going to ask again.

(Class calms down, for the moment. Teaching/learning continue.)

(Randomly) Proud Redneck Mechanic: Hello! Calm down!

New guy from Sudan: Hello! Calm Down!

(Laughter)

(Class calms down, for the moment. Teaching/learning continue.)

Me: Instructor, so when you run the starter to put out a fire, is that the same as dry motoring?

Young Guy Who Acts Like a Crabby Old Guy: That’s the stupidest thing I ever heard.

Instructor – Yes, that’s correct.

Me: Thanks!

Angry Republican: Get angry YGWALACOG. Get angry!

YGWALACOG: Shut up!

Instructor: Really, you all need to quiet down.

Anxiety Sponge: I wasn’t talking. That idiot back there was the one talking. I wasn’t talking. Why is everyone always blaming me? I wasn’t talking. But can you go back to that last slide again? And, YGWALACOG? My package is bigger than yours.

Me: OK, that’s it. Anxiety Sponge, I am tired of hearing you talk about your wiener. Nobody wants to hear about your wiener.

Anxiety Sponge: C’mon, we’re guys, we talk about this stuff.

Me: Nope, you’re the only one who is always making comparisons. Knock it off.

Anxiety Sponge: I only did it twice.

Me: Yeah, well, that’s two times too many.

Class: Oooooooohhhhhh!

Instructor: Shop time!

9:30 to 1:00 – in the shop. Work through the assigned project (this week, engine inspections) while fending off trouting from Man-Child and trying to explain the finer points of magnetism to another classmate (hint, aluminum is not magnetic).

At several points Man-Child disappears from the hangar and is later found sleeping in one of the airplanes. The instructor clocks him out, which results in a mini-tantrum from Man-Child (optional – some classmate points out to Man-Child that if he paid attention and stayed awake, test day might not be so harrowing for him).

Try, try, try to explain to less mature classmates why manuals and other approved repair data are important. Later in the day fend off accusations of manual hogging.

Drop a washer inside the engine cowling and lose 15 minutes to the search for it. Finally earmark the search for later so we can continue the inspection.

Make the mistake of saying that Christmas carols in October are annoying. Endure squealed Christmas carols for the rest of the day.

Periodically drop everything and run to the bay door, which faces Boeing Field runway, to watch a take off.

Try and fail to keep classmates (who are all male) out of the women’s restroom. Further try and fail to keep them from telling me every time they do a number 2 in said restroom. Seriously – can someone explain this to me? Does it go back to toddlerhood? Are they looking for approval?

1:00 – punch out, happy to have survived another day at airplane school. I want to say they don’t pay me enough, then I remember, they don’t pay me at all.