• If you’re scheduled to go on a flight, we have to assume that you knew this was going to happen quite a few days before the moment when you arrived at the security line. Since this is the case, please don’t wait until just that moment to realize you’ll need to produce your ID and boarding pass from the depths of your cavernous handbag.
  • If you’re a professional offering a service, don’t make the customer chase you down to get a confirmation of a scheduled event. Pro tip: if you do this, you’re not a professional.
  • UNDERpromise, OVERdeliver. Not the other way around. So not the other way around.
  • If someone orders a pair of shoes from you, and you first send them shoes that very different in appearance from what they ordered, then, subsequently send them shoes that are 3 sizes smaller than what was ordered, the correct response is not: “Well, maybe I should just give you your money back because obviously you’re never going to be happy.” I would be happy with the shoes I ordered, truly I would.
  • If I had it to do all over again, I would have just kept my old-school Honeywell thermostat. The Honeywell worked reliably for 13 years (and would probably still be working if I hadn’t removed it and put it in a box). Meanwhile, I’m on my third warranty-replacement Nest. I do give them points for customer service, though.
  • If you’re at an airport, assume that people moving through the corridors are trying to get somewhere, and are possibly dealing with a time constraint. Accordingly, don’t allow your entire family to expand to occupy the whole width of the corridor. Even if they’re cute. Your family’s cuteness doesn’t get other people to the gate on time.
  • Is there some kind of conspiracy between gas stations and rental car companies that makes it nearly impossible to find a gas station conveniently located to an airport?
  • On the Twitter, if I have never heard from you before in my life, don’t PM me asking me to contribute to your kickstarter. Why would your financial needs be more important than mine? Or those of the countless people in the world who truly need some help?
  • Similarly, if you wrote a book, good for you, but don’t tweet for people to buy it, especially if you’re going to do it a million times a day. I would be curious to know if anyone in the history of the world has EVER bought a book based on the author’s Twitter promotions.
  • Don’t bring your 6 children to a coffee shop and make that the day that you teach each of them, individually, how to order hot chocolate. Especially if there are 5 people in line behind you.
  • If you’re taking advantage of the new marijuana laws in your state, go for it. But, please stay home, or at least, don’t come stand in front of my house pulling the leaves off my tree then get all whiny when I tell you to stop. And know that when you threaten to come back and really damage my tree later that you and I both know that will never happen. It would require planning and effort and it’s obvious you’re not capable of either.

Posted by lesherjennifer

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